that feeling when someone asks someone a question, : 'name me the 10 most prettiest girls in sec 3?' and they replied with just your friend's name but when you scroll and scroll, you noticed your name isn't there. so you act as if you were happy for your friend. you pretended to agree. you looked around and just smile and laugh... you pretended to be happy when actually you are holding those tears which means thousands of heartbreaks. you looked down and played with hands. and your mind is repeating itself asking you to go home. you just didn't want your friends to look at you.. crying and not being strong. you are scared of being judged because of a little tiny winy thing that you wished you could be.. so, you counted as many times you've helped many people and how they looked at you... you thought that they might think you are beautiful maybe?.. the fact is that.. you are not.. i think i am the ugliest girl in your school.. nobody has ever called me pretty excluding the times they need something from me? i tried looking my best everytime.. still, my looks has never pleased anyone.. some felt like slapping my face. i am just confused.. no matter how many times i tried to look way better than my friends than anyone, i'd be the last girl to look the prettiest. i am thankful for all that i have. i am not like those girls on twitter that complains about their face and body which are imperfect when in fact its beautiful. they are just trying to grab attention. they have really perfect face, attitude but still, they want more. are they trying to imply that i am ugly? in this case, who should feel much more insecure? me or them? my attitude sucks which explains of why people hates me.. i am just too formal and too awkward with everyone. i am too formal with guys and i am always being hard to get. no, its not on purpose.. its just that my mindset is being insane. everytime i talk to anyone maybe a guy? i would be thinking, 'he thinks i am ugly'. everytime a guy stares at me, i would be thinking that way. 'everyone is going to hate me so whats the point of pleasing them?'. i don't know why am i like this either... i think it has come to moment when i just can't stand anymore insults from anyone anymore. i can't stand to get hurt already cause i've been many times. i am a very timid girl who just hides from her problems and let them build up and then complain that i have too many problems.. i think.. i should really stop talking to people.. i am just going to talk to my friends and thats all. thanks for wasting your time reading this diary..