dear diary, i know u like her. hahah it hurts actually. thinking that u could compliment her but not me. u could love her but not me. i wish i was loved. by u. i want to be treated like that girl that u are into rn. i dont want any relationships. i dont want any kissed from u.i dont want any hugs form u. i want nothing except yr attention. i want sparks between us. i want romance. i want us to be accidentally holding hands & u accidentally kissing my lips. & everything to be done accidentally but then i know that deep inside u, its obvious u are into me too. i'm sorry i am not pretty & sexy as other girls. i am not funny & awesome as u think i am. i am sorry that i get awkward with easily. i am just so sorry. but i'll change for u. don;t worry my puberty will come sooner or later. i'll be the prettiest girl u've ever seen. inshallah. i wish that butterflies in my tummy form u just wont get lost & i want it to happen over & over again when i'm with u. i want my face to blush everytime i am with u. i am willing to take any insults and criticism from anyone. i am willing to take the risk. u are all that i am thinking of. hm
dear diary, i feel hurt cause i dont get that much attention from everyone. especially from someone that meant something to you. haish. i like this guy & i want him to be happy just stay smiling everytime. i'll secretly love you forever till the day i am ready to pour out feelings to you that is maybe idk? next year? you're beautiful like diamonds in the sky. haish. i hate the fact that kept complimenting everyone except for me. & i'm like hello? excuse me i am here. just please look at me. please compliment me. please treat as how u treat others. i want more from u please. i like u. please dont blame me for liking you. i just cant control my feelings. i'll wait for u. even if it takes so much struggles. i'll still wait for u. i am just so in love with your flaws & perfections. i'll be there if u need any help. i'll change u & realise that i was there all this while. i can't sleep. & everytime i breathe, i'll think of u. do u know how sick this is getting? i've never thought u'd be this special to me. i don't ever want u to know that i am into u. like ever. please. u are so perfect to me. please i am begging u. please don't ever flirt with the rest. it hurts actually. especially when u keep telling me good memories of u & her to me. do u know how unlucky i feel? this ain't lust i know, this is love. i just dont know how to react when i am with u. i'll get really mad when i am with u. cause idk. is it possible to hate u & at the same time, falling for u? i dont think everytime my reaction with u is to be angry with & scolding u. but honestly i was i was teasing u. its normal right? please say yes. i love u.
haissssssssssssssssh. how are u people? i am feeling freaking insecure. that word from you makes me feel so asdfghjkl. i feel like crying right now ergh wtf. i wish o was pretty. please. everyone is like so pretty on my timeline twitter. & i look like some extra garbage. evryone's like hating me & here i am too hating myself. dah lah tak nk main habbo ngan aku. maybe dorang irritated by aku? haishhhhhh. am i that annoying? ergh. aku ego eh? aku tak nak jadi forever alone for all my life. i want to be famous & get fame. my friends are like so famous & i am here being a bitch with an attitude management. i have this thing called the anger management. i expect everyone to treat me nicely. just when i'll change? i tried but people just keep reminding me of myself. asal eh everytime aku ada crush on someone, they just don't seem to have feelings back for me. but my friends semua crush dorang suka them balik. not all but mostly.. hahah i saw somthing on twitter right now. & i feel damn fuck hurt. i want to change my name. haish. i feel insecure. my another twin sumpah she is like so opposite of me. just perfect. i feel sad okay when people ask me whats my name then say the other nabilah better. & i'll be like hhaaaha ya ikr! she is so kelakar. why must i terasa in everyone's conversation especially the ones that they gossip about. everyones like so sexy & i am like on black burnt potato. i cant live anymore. i dont feel like living. being hurt resulting me to be much more hot-headed. honestly. there is like too much of thinking in my brain then i'll get pissed off easily. cause u see, i am constantly making myself busy but making the thought of mine get over me. i'll get frustrated at one silly stuff. i hate the fact that i'm always trying to please people. everytime i think i'd made someone mad, i'll follow them everywhere & ask for forgiveness. like its honestly irrtatingly annoying. hurt sial aku. i am not funny & i just cant stop with my vulgars. i tried to be funny but i am just naturally not funny. ergh. should i like take courses to make myself funny? till now, nobody ever sincerely calls me pretty or beautiful. i am so jealous as fuck to those who are so beautiful. i just can't stop staring at them. perfect sia.