hi world. haha i exactly have a life. nobody wished happy new year to me. and someone didn't write my name n that drawing of hers. haish. i feel so down, weak and hurt. i hate this feeling when it comes naturally and kills my mood everytime someone doesn't care about me. who am i exactly? who am i to those i've been kind to? who am i? i don't know. nobody loves me. everyone thinks i am such a nuisance. really. am i that ugly and bad? am i that hot-tempered? am i that someone that doesn't deserves to be loved? i am just confused. they say good looking girls especially guys, are much smarter than those ugly ones. hahaa. i am betting 20 cents on it that its so true. i deactivated my facebook and twitter account. really. whats the point of having one? i am such a loner. nobody cares about me. right now, i feel like ending my life. but when my mind gets clear enough to think, i realised that it isn't worth it. i am so going to miss my parents and my brother. hahaha. i am just scared.. what if tomorrow people are going to look down on me? cause i am black? i am dark? i hate my uniform totally. it's so white that my dark skin is really obvious to see especially when the light quite dim. i am really scared you know. confirm people aren't going to greet me.. like how they greet some people who are 100 times no 100000000000000000000000 times better than me. i am such a wimp. you know, i dream of being new and fresh. i am tired of being teased. can you imagine? your own dad & mum calling you ugly? cursed you? blamed you? even teachers hates me. but why? idk why! well, if you think i am really bad, then okay. or maybe i am just ugly and not that good to look at. yeah! hahah. if i were to born again, i won't choose being me. i will be someone better. really. i have no friends anymore. i promise you, i'll change. i'll be anti-social. and maybe, quitting volleyball or just say that i need to take care of my brother. i promise everyone that i won't talk at all. unless if its important. i won't be irritating anymore. i promise. i won't smile at you. i promise. if you were to have problems looking at me, cause you think i am really black or ugly, i'll get out of there asap. i promise. haish. i am such a bad friend. i only care about myself. honestly. i don't care about anybody else except me. cause why? cause no one cares about me! so the only person to care about me is me! hah. i have a lot of haters. everybody hates me. i hate being hated you know. but i just don't know how to explain it. i am nothing compared to my ex-friends. they are so much better than me and really really pretty. that's why i am stepping out cause i don't deserve to have that really good friends. i realised that since i am or every time i came, their life turns upside down. really. its always been my fault for their change. its my fault for everything. i am really sorry. i am sorry for all the dramas that I've caused. and sorry for invading in anyone's life. i am sorry. i apologise. and i am sincere about it.